I WENT AS JIMMY CHITWOOD
Our office had a Christmas party last Friday, which is the first time we've done anything like a traditional office in some time. We don't do secret Santa or Super Bowl pools or have a water cooler.
Tina made the meatballs, which were met with universal praise. Also you can see three of the four cakes we had. And the booze. Did I mention this party was during work?
It was the second-best office party I've ever been to, even if half the employees no-showed because it wasn't worth their time.
It's not Christmas season until mom makes her soup. It's corn, crabmeat, shrimp, celery and red pepper. I will eat a bowl of this stuff every day for the next 10 days. There's a lot and only two of us eating it.
That's the snack spread at Bert and Kelly's Christmas party on Saturday night. The main dish was Bert's gumbo. I had three bowls.
The theme for this year was dress as your favorite 1980s movie character. Paul, of course, broke the rules and came as The Jerk, which came out in 1979. Was it that difficult to follow the rules? It's a fucking 10-year span?
Greg came as Bender from The Breakfast Club. Nicely done. Other good costumes included David and Sarah as Darth Vader and Princess Leia and Bert and Kelly as the Keymaster/Gatekeeper from Ghostbusters.
I don't have an explanation for this. But just know that the next morning when it was suggested we eat in the car, Kelly said, "I am not white trash. I eat my breakfast in restaurants."
Our fantasy league bought a belt that the winner gets to keep for the next year. Joe was last year's champ and had to return the belt at the Christmas party.
Paul and Pee-wee were scheduled to square off the next day in the championship. Call this the official weigh-in. I hope we take a picture like this every year.
And what weigh-in would be complete without a little trash talk.
Paul: You call that a stare?
Pee-wee: You call that a face?
(Matt, err, Pee-wee, won by blowout.)
This was the sixth year of the Rectum fantasy league. Here are the four previous champions, all present at the Christmas party. The fifth champion we kicked out the league, so that year is vacant.
It was another successful Bert and Kelly Christmas party. I got just the right amount of drunk. I got a gift card to The Bulldog in Steal a Gift. Some folks broke the swing outside.
Nicole and I defeated Bert and Leigh in beer pong. Both teams had one cup left. After many, many misses, they finally made one out of two of their balls on their turn.
So we had a chance to tie. Nicole went first and made it. That tied it. I let mine go and knew right away that it was in. Two balls in one cup for the victory.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom recently learned of the existence of Candy Crush. "They say it's fucking addictive."
Mom and I are discussing best ofs for 2013. I ask what the biggest fad was. Mom: "That fucking song on the Internet. What does the fox say?"
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