CAN I GET A HANDLE ON THINGS?

CUZ IT'S ONE. TWO. THREE STRIKES. 

My mind was elsewhere Monday when I headed to the grocery. The main problem I discovered in the parking lot of the grocery was that I forgot my wallet. 

So I went back home, retrieved my wallet  and went back to the grocery. I bought milk, bananas and water. 

I tell you this because later in the evening I went with Bert and Kelly to our softball playoff game. On the way to City Park, I realized that I had never taken my groceries out of the car. Strike two. 

As for the softball game, we lost in the semifinals. After the fourth inning, the Apple Dumpling Gang led Pitch Please 11-10. Unfortunately, the game had several innings left. We actually lost by the 10-run rule during the sixth inning. 

I had three hits, three runs and an RBI. I also made a dead sprint shoestring catch. So no strike three for me, right? Wrong. 

We ate at Bud's postgame. Good food for getting over the depression of losing. I actually hadn't eaten there in almost a year. 

At Bud's, Kelly looked at me and said: "Is your shirt on backward?"

Well, yes. Yes it was. And there was strike three. 

I might have hit two screaming doubles and beat the tag on one with a nice slide, but I did it all with my shirt on backward. Not the jersey shirt but the long sleeve undershirt. 

Little Joe and I got milkshakes to go. There's no story there. Just thought you should know. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom has been playing her Wii as of late. Mainly, she's bowling. "I'm trying to beat that fucking 223 high score. Had six strikes in the row the other day. Then I fucked it up. I tried to play baseball. But I didn't understand what the fuck was going on."

Mom says that Chase had a problem the other day. "Somebody hacked into the motherfucker. Fucking computers. They say you can't believe the shit you see in movies, but it can be done."

On the Sons of Anarchy season finale, mom's favorite character, Tara, died. "Stabbed with a fucking fork. And then drowned in a sink."

Mom is trying to load a video on her computer. She doesn't like the pop-up ads. "Fucking shut the fuck up."

Mom had to pay her ticket for speeding in a school zone. "300 and 50 fucking dollars. More than my fucking taxes."

I tell mom that the city pays the bills with ticket money. "I don't give a fuck. They're like the keystone cops down there at court. They all there sucking on tootsie rolls."

Then later about the court process. "It's a joke. A big fucking joke."

HULKING UP

I've been watching old WrestleManias, and the power of Hulkamania has taken over my body. Look what happened when I went to take clothes out the dryer Wednesday night. 

Ripped the handle right off.