THE SAINTS ARE COMING ... WELL, NOT THURSDAY

For the second consecutive season, my dad and I went to the finale of the Saints preseason. For the second consecutive season, the Saints were playing the Dolphins. For the second consecutive season, we left at halftime after parking for free and using Brick's tickets. 

Not for the second consecutive year, thankfully, there was no monster hurricane in the Gulf during the game. 

The highlight of the first half had nothing to do with the game. During a timeout, they showed a Saintsation on the sideline, who thought she was promoting something. Instead, her boyfriend came out of nowhere and proposed. 

After she accepted, the dude sitting in front of us turns around and announces to his friends and the rest of us. "I know that dude. He's a pussy." Someone asks how he knows this. "He's a cop. I knocked his ass out once after we were drinking in a bar. He's a pussy." 

One minute later, he turns back around and says: "Man, I can't believe it. I know that dude. He's a homo." 

Guy behind me: "But he's engaged." 

Response: "So he's a closet homo." 

I went to the game wearing my Dolphins shirt and Saints cap. The evening was filled with a lot of weird looks and one guy who yelled, "You can't do that. Get out of here." 

The people in my section certainly didn't appreciate my shirt, especially when I cheered for the 

Saints to fumble the opening kickoff. (That's only because I want them to cut Roby.) 

Like who doesn't like a shirt with pretty little dolphins on it? 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

The guy across the street just got a new wife and moved her in. They met when she applied for a job in one of his Subways. My mom: "Now she has nine of the motherfuckers." 

A kid in the neighborhood threw one of those confetti eggs at our side window. "Fucking confetti everywhere." 

Mom sees me as I walk out the door to the Saints-Dolphins game. "Are you wearing a fucking Dolphins shirt?" 

Mom and I are sitting outside. She looks around. "Fucking lovebugs everywhere." 

Mom thinks my dad and I are alike. "Two fucking peas in a pod." 

RANDOM THOUGHT

New thing to add to my shit list: This thing in sitcoms where one character (usually on the show for one episode) calls a main character by a slightly different name in multiple ways throughout the episode so as to belittle the main character. 

It seems every show has an episode like this. It ain't funny. Though I think it would be funny if a show did this situation but the insulter used names that weren't even close to the name of the main character. 

PARTING SHOT

The latest and possible greatest Paul-ism. We're talking about David's birthday party Saturday.

Paul (completely serious): They gonna have crawfish? 

Me: Uh, no. 

Paul: Why? Is that like only around for a certain part of the year?