BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

Guess who's back
Back again
Gene Pool's back
Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back

I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to see Gene no more
They want Tina, I'm chopped liver

OK, that was the beginning of Eminem's Without Me. But you have to admit, the past week has felt a little empty without me, right? Or so the six people who complained to me about no recent entries tell me.

What have I been up to? Well, not much. I enjoyed hitting the softball on Sports Saturday and running down Bert's fly balls. My apologies to Little Joe for some lousy pitching on his turn at-bat.

Last Wednesday, I met Kelly, Bert and Paul at Fox & Hound for some free shuffleboard. Paul and I played two games by ourselves when the couple left to make it home in time for Top Chef at 11 p.m. Like who has to be in front of the TV while the show airs these days? They ever heard of a DVR or fuck, a VCR?

Paul won the first game 16-1, but I responded with a 15-1 victory in the second match. We decided against a rubber match.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER
The highlights from the past week.

My mom and I went to lunch last Thursday. I wasn't ready on time in her view. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Mom is doing something in the kitchen. I'm in the other room. "Motherfuck me!"

Mom is being followed too closely by a fellow driver on Hickory. So, mom plays a game where she comes to a complete stop as both of them are turning. The other driver had to swerve slightly to avoid hitting her. He was pissed. Mom didn't care. "Ha. Ha. Ha. With your little Mazda. Piece of shit."

On the anniversary of Katrina, mom recalled a fond memory. "And then the next day was the hottest fucking day ever." She repeated that exact statement Tuesday.

Mom and I watched the Little League World Series title game Sunday. The Taiwan coach has a meeting on the mound with his team.
Me: Ma, what do you think he's saying to the players?
Mom: Fuck all ya'll motherfuckers.

Mom is cutting a piece of cake Tuesday afternoon. "This fucking shit is melting."

MOVIE REVIEW

The Legend of Bagger Vance. 2000. Solid, though could have been better.

Yes Man. 2008. Wasn't expecting much, but I thought it was some fine Jim Carrey work.

Leatherheads. 2008. Why does Hollywood keep trying to convince me that Renee Zellweger is attractive? Give up already.

Trouble the Water. 2008. Katrina and its aftermath documentary. Ya heard?

RANDOM THOUGHT

It always gets me when people start a new relationship (in real life and more often in TV and movies) and one of the members or a friend of one of the members says, "I hope it works out (or I think it's going to work out)."

What exactly does "work out" mean? Is the relationship going to the gym? Seriously, though, if the couple breaks up, then it didn't work out, right? So, "work out" means ends in marriage and then death. Well, then let's say that. Let's not sugar coat this shit.

PARTING SHOTS
On August 29th, I'm talking to Kelly.

Me: Happy Anniversary.
Kelly: Anniversary for wha .... oh.

Danny was sad about the lack of a Gene Pool.

Danny: Now I don't know what to do with myself before I go to bed.

At work Tuesday, we're discussing Derry's fondness for singing.

D: Derry, you rap?
Derry: I did rap Saturday.
Marcus: Yeah, sandwiches.