As I have done for just about every NFL Sunday since 2007, I went to Fox & Hound for some Week 1 action.
And as with every new football season, every waitress in the building was new. The turnover is amazing.
My waitress seemed like she was in a restaurant for the first time in her life. She was wide-eyed, confused and most annoying, super attentive.
Every fucking two minutes, she stopped to ask if I needed anything. Always with the same two words that I heard in my sleep the next two days: You OK?
Yes, I'm watching football. Go away. Keep in mind that I was there from 11:15 to 4. Really need to avoid her section this week.
The only time she skipped more than two minutes without asking You OK? was after she dropped off the bill. It took her 15 minutes to come back and pick up the credit card. Like I said, it was her first time ever in a restaurant.
This woman danced when the Saints scored.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom is complaining about the size of her DVR. It only holds like 20 hours. I tell her that Paul has like four seasons of different shows on his and it's only 25 percent full. "Motherfucker."
Mom, unlike me, is not thrilled with the return of football because it pushes CBS programming back on Sunday nights. "I hate football season. Everything was delayed 50 fucking minutes."
There was a big accident on the highway the other day when mom was on her way over. "Took me 30 minutes to get to your house. People outside wondering what the fuck is going on."
Mom's thoughts on Episode 5 of Breaking Bad.
-- on Todd's cook at the start: "All I seem was fucking white. They said they could see blue. It was fucking white."
-- on the Nazis: "These people are so fucking stupid. Like white fucking trash."
-- on the shoot out at the end: "Hank has a glock. Those fuckers have machine guns. Why didn't Jesse get the fuck down?"
MY GOAL IS FOR IT TO BECOME
A UNIVERSAL STAT
So I made up this football stat called killer instinct percentage, which is the percentage of possessions a team scores a TD while playing with the lead.
Here it is featured on the Web site.
http://www.nola.com/saints/index.ssf/2013/09/new_orleans_saints_11_personne.html
Check out No. 7.
SEVEN SAINTLY SIGHTINGS
I've looked at the film on Saints-Falcons. Here's what I saw.
1. Tony Gonzalez's TD in 1st quarter.
That was LB Curtis Lofton's fault. He had to chose between covering Tony G or attack a scrambling Matt Ryan. Lofton chose Ryan, leaving Tony G wide open. Problem was that another Saints defender ran at Ryan as well. So Lofton didn't have to. He should have stayed in coverage.
2. Pierre Thomas' lunge for 1st down.
Thomas clearly got the first down in the first quarter. Still not sure why play wasn't challenged. Dumb. I liked the decision to go for it on fourth down, but a stretch play to Ingram? What the fuck? The first person to make contact with Ingram on the play was his own fullback.
3. The ref patted Matt Ryan on the ass in the first quarter. Say what?
4. Kenny Stills' first catch.
He should have scored. But he kept turning his head looking for defenders who weren't there. The head turning slowed him down, and he got caught. The Saints settled for a FG and a 13-10 lead. I counted eight head turns. And my nickname for him is now The Head Turner.
5. Junior Galette's sack in 3rd quarter.
He totally blindsided Ryan and should have caused a fumble. Instead Galette missed Ryan's arm with his swipe and hit Ryan's helmet. Saints were luckily that wasn't 15 yards and a first down. Could have changed the game.
6. Roman Harper.
A. After Roddy White's spectacular catch in third quarter, the Falcons hurried to get off the next play. The Saints were out of whack in the scramble. But Harper alertly ran over to White and covered him. The cornerback was way out of position, and Harper saved a TD.
B. Why is Harper getting so much praise for his pick at the end? Even his teammates overdid it. He didn't do shit. He actually got beat on the play by Tony G. And Kenny Vaccaro is the one who actually made the play. Harper could have missed the ball or just let it drop, and the Saints still win. The pick did nothing. All hail Vaccaro!
7. Drew Brees to Jimmy Graham.
I thought Brees was sub-par, especially on these plays.
-- first third down of the game, Brees threw deep incomplete to Stills. But Graham was wide open at the first down marker.
--third down before fg that made it 10-3, Brees threw incomplete to Lance Moore. But Graham was open in the seem for a TD.
--third and goal from 20 before fg for 13-10 lead, Brees threw short for Darren Sproles. But Graham was wide open for a TD. Brees was originally targeting Graham on the play, but Graham was bumped at the line, so Brees went away from him. However, Graham broke open after the bump.
--Brees threw behind Graham in the fourth on what would have been a first down and might have put away the Falcons.
PARTING SHOT
David Jack was calling me the master curator at work this week.
Anne: Gene, how often do you master curate?
Me: Couple times a week. ... Depending on Shawn's mood.
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