IT'S BEEN FAR TOO LONG

When I ended my streak of 420 days blogging in a row, I promised that I would return at some point. In my head, I meant that to be like two or three months. Or 22. Whatever.

If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me to bring this bad boy back in those 22 months, well, I'd have probably around $22.35. Every time I go to a party or a Yat-Together, someone gets down on their hands and knees and pleads for the return. Like my blog was crack.

Besides, Kelli needs something to do while on maternity leave. Amanda needs to occupy her time now that she's unemployed. Jelly needs something to do in between copying and pasting stuff onto the Internet. Bob needs something to be indifferent about. And everyone, and I mean everyone, needs them some Tina.

So, on a hopefully weekly basis (maybe more often), I'm back, bitches.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

In the past two years, my mom has continued to curse. A lot. I don't recall all the specifics, but hey, let's start fresh. Here's stuff from the last few weeks I remember.

The Casey Anthony verdict is read. Tina: "That's sad. No one gave a shit about that little girl."

Mom dropped her laptop, and the microphone plug doesn't work anymore. So, she bought a sound blaster and loves it. "Fuck that other hole."

Mom watches some 48 Hours Mystery episode. The cops mess up a case. "Fuck the cops. You never do your fucking job. You get that badge and think you fucking own everything."

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

1) I've been feeling really alone lately. (Another reason to come back.) Being single doesn't bother me, but it has been gnawing at me recently. Probably because I've been playing a lot of fifth and seventh wheels. And as Michael Scott once told Jim: "It's not the horniness, ok? It's the loneliness."

2) Half a day after the World Cup Final, I still feel like we won. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Me sad.

3) The Green Lantern. X-Men. Transformers. Harry Potter. Captain America. What are all nerd movies I could give a crap about?

PARTING SHOTS

I was in charge seven of the past 10 days at work.

Stephen: Gene has several small qualities.

Liam: That's what she said.

I explain to Sandy that my dreams have been boring.

Me: A few nights ago, I had a dream where I watched the weather. Last night in my dream, I had dessert.

Liam: You're clearly confused about your sexuality.

THE TOP LIST

The top five things that have happened to me in the past two years.

5) Meachem Ball.

Last October, I took a road trip with Lopes to see the Saints play the Buccaneers. We were sitting close, and after scoring a touchdown in the second quarter, Robert Meachem tossed the ball right to me. So, that was pretty cool.

I gave it to a person who gave it to a person who gave it to a person who was supposed to be able to get it signed by Meachem. Long story short, I haven't seen or touched that sweet, sweet ball since.

4) Wreck.

Last December, I was involved in my fourth wreck. Whereas the other three were my fault, this one was not. I was backed into in a parking lot.

But wouldn't you know my luck. Despite the fact that I had three witnesses, the insurance company declared that the accident was completely my fault.

I then went on a tirade on the phone, until finally the uppity agent informed me that she never even bothered to call my witness. (The other two witnesses were deemed ineligible because they were my friends. So if you ever get in an accident and your peeps aren't in the car with you, pretend like ya'll never met. Ya heard?)

After then conversing with my witness, the brilliant insurance agent made it half my fault, half the fault of the woman who backed up into me and didn't damage her car one iota. I had to get another bumper (third one for this car) and new side panel (again third one).

The reason it was said to be half my fault: They think I was backing out of a parking space when she backed into me. Uh no. I was behind her waiting to turn out of the parking lot, when she decided to back up and not leave the parking lot.

Turns out, my ace witness told them I was moving. Thanks a lot, Johnny. The agent told me that since my witness and the other woman's daughter (who was about 12) both said I was moving, that's what they had to go with. But yet my two witnesses who were standing right there and watched me not move and get hit, don't count. Ugh. Fuck the gecko.

3) Relationship.

From late October 2009 to late March 2010, I had a girlfriend. Holla. It ended, though. Alas. And of all places in the parking lot of Oriental Triangle. Surprisingly private back there.

2) Promotion.

In April of last year, I was promoted from occasional (ironic because I worked 37.5 hours a week) to part-time, where I work 26 hours a week. Like I tell people, they said, "Congratulations, you're promoted. Now, stop coming here."

The company told me how much I would make per hour before they told me how many hours I would be working. I had assumed that I would get 30 hours, like other part-time employees, and when they told me my hourly rate, I about started dancing in the editor's office. No, not the worm. Maybe the sprinkler.

My exuberance was quickly squashed when I learned that it was only 26 hours. But, hey, I don't have to show up until 5, save when I'm in charge. Yeah, I'm in charge once a week, except when the boss, that's Brick, is on vacation. Then, it's more like four shifts in charge a week.

1) Super Bowl.

Uh, you remember this one, right?

Little Joe and I went to the NFC Championship. There was man-hugging and girlie screaming.

I watched the Super Bowl at work. On Porter's pick, Liam and I engaged in more man-hugging. Both also involved jumping.