SHE SAYS SHE'S BORED

FORTNIGHT OF THROW UP AND NORMALCY

It's been two weeks since I've written an update about my mom's condition and non-sensical ranting. 

The first of those weeks seemed to end the illusions. In fact, Mom hardly talked at all. She kind of just stared holes through me. 

She refused to take her medicine. She claimed I didn't love her. She wouldn't answer questions. And she could not stop vomitting. 

We had this bucket she would just fill up and fill up full of vomit. She drank coke and water and barfed it all up. Not food really. 

That's because she didn't eat for eight straight days. EIGHT. Finally, this past Saturday, she woke up, looked around and said: "Chinese on Carrollton."

That meant egg rolls from Chinese Kitchen, one of her all-time favorite meals. So off I went to Chinese Kitchen, where little Chinese ladies serve Chinese food to the surrounding black community and the occasional whitey, like me. 

They don't give you your change until the food is ready, which is just so strange to me. You should go there and stand around for an hour. Just a fascinating world. 

Mom ate off the Chinese food twice Saturday and then Sunday and Monday. I also got her barbecue pork and shrimp fried rice. 

And for the past few days mom has mostly been normal -- complaining about the neighbors, wishing she was in her own bed and requesting Italian food. Except for the fact she can't walk, it's hard to tell anything is actually wrong with her. 

It doesn't seem like she's getting worse. 

CRAZY SHIT TINA SAYS

Before the vomitting stage, mom had these beauties. 

Mom: How long have you been here?

Me: Been where?

Mom: In prison. 

Mom: When are the police coming to get me?

Me: Police? What you do?

Mom: What did I do? Ha. 

Mom: You're not going to believe this, but the first thing I noticed when I walked into the police station was the blanket. 

After the vomiting period ended -- it just stopped, can't explain it -- mom had these things to say. 

Mom (after Chinese): No dessert?

Me: We have king cake. 

Mom: That's bullshit. Fucking overrated donut. 

Mom: That whole week where I went to do the volleyball thing was like what the fuck. She's walking around like she knew what the fuck she was doing. She knew when to go to the bathroom, when not to go to the bathroom. The whole works. 

Mom tells me to look for her suitcase in the bathroom. I tell her I can't find it. 

Mom: Call my phone number. Jesus. Do something. 

NICOLE CHEATED ON ME

Before you overreact, let's start by saying that this is according to my mom. 

Mom claims that the other day when I was at work, Nicole brought a dude over to mom's house. And didn't care that mom caught her. 

"I come home. David goes in the door first. And then I come in. There they are. And they're like, 'Hehehehehehe.' They're laughing at me. And Nicole is like, 'Hi, sweetie. You're looking better.' "

By the way, mom's Nicole impression is hilarious. She also told me not to tell Nicole that she told me about Nicole's infidelity. Of course, I did anyway. 

I also had to reassure mom that we were still together. She thought it was over.